Filed to story: The LORDS Series Free PDF by Shantel Tessier
He turns to face me fully, and I watch his face grow tight. “Excuse us, ladies.” I walk past them and out into the hall, knowing I need a second alone with him.
The moment the door shuts behind us, he faces me. “What the fuck, Saint?” Sin barks.
“It’s not what you think…”
“So you didn’t set me up in hopes that my wife would exchange her mother for me?” he snaps.
I sigh, not exactly. “I didn’t know Ashtyn’s father was going to bring her in, offering Laura in hopes to get you back,” I growl. Sin made an arrangement with us. He turned himself over to us in order to set Elli’s father free from Carnage. Did I know who Elli was? Yeah. Did I want her mother here under our roof? Absolutely! I hated that woman. She had hurt Ashtyn before, and she wanted to get rid of her. I still think she was the one who helped Ashtyn escape from Carnage. I was going to torture that information out of her, but the bitch showed up pregnant, and until she has that baby, I won’t touch her.
He gives a rough laugh, not believing me. “Fuck you, Saint.” Sin goes to open the office door, and I grab his upper arm, stopping him.
“You were willing to do anything for your wife. I will do the same for mine,” I inform him.
He yanks the door open and enters the office. “Elli, Gavin will be here any minute. Let’s go.”
“Yeah.” She nods to him and then hugs Ashtyn again. “I’ll call you. We’ll hang out.” Elli tells my wife, and her face falls as if I will never let her have any friends. Once Laura gives birth, Sin will never bring Elli back here.
I don’t blame him, but I don’t regret what I did. Sin willingly gave himself up for his wife, and I respect that.
He takes Elli’s hand and ushers her out of the office, leaving me with Ashtyn. We haven’t spoken since our fight a week ago. I’ve avoided her and her me.
We stand in silence, and she licks her lips. “Elli told me they are here to see her mother?” Her eyes meet mine. “Why is Laura here at Carnage?”
“Because this is where she deserves to be,” I answer.
“So…she’s a prisoner?”
I say nothing.
“May I see her?”
“No,” I growl. “Stay the fuck away from her.” We’ve got her secluded right now anyway. She’s needed around-the-clock care to make sure the bitch makes it to full term with the baby. Sin would slit my throat if anything happened to the child he and Elli will raise as their own.
“Saint-“
“Stay the fuck away, Ashtyn!” I shout, getting irritated.
Letting out a huff, she spins around to leave when I speak. “I’m leaving tomorrow and will be gone for two days.”
Her hand pauses on the doorknob.
“Haidyn will be here with you,” I tell her, wanting her to know she’ll have a babysitter so she doesn’t get any crazy ideas.
Her body stiffens, and then she yanks it open and storms out.
FIFTY-SIX
ASHTYN
I have a half brother. That new information doesn’t surprise me. What does is that he’s connected to Whitney and Laikyn. I spent an hour with her yesterday when she and Tyson showed up.
She didn’t seem to have much information for me, but she was willing to tell me what she knew, and that was more than Saint and the others have done.
She asked if I remembered the girls who went missing. When I told her yes, she informed me that Luke and my mother were involved, and that the guys think that’s why my mother was killed. It makes sense. My brother said that he was being framed. Maybe that was Luke trying to blame it on Adam. But that brings up another question-how was Whitney involved? I spent a lot of time with her and never noticed anything. But would I have? A lot happened in my life that I still hid from Whitney.
Then I find out that Laura and Whitney are both here at Carnage. They’ve been right underneath me all this time, and I had no idea. I hated Laura, but that doesn’t mean I think she deserves to be down there. Did I agree with the things she did and said to me? No. But I know the Lords, and maybe they controlled her? Maybe the Spade fathers forced her to make me do my sessions? And she knew things that no one else did…if not for her, my life would have gone much differently, and I’m not sure that would have been better. If I had stayed here and told Saint I was pregnant and it wasn’t his child, me and the baby wouldn’t have had a chance. That’s all I wanted-to give my child a chance at a better life. I even failed at that.
The truth is I don’t know what to think anymore. At this point, I’m not sure what is up and what is down.
Besides my mother, I don’t know what happened to my family. Hell, as far as I know, Adam is down in the basement as well. Would they do that to one of their brothers? Yes. I have no doubt. If you don’t honor your oath, you’re punished. It’s that simple.
It was great seeing Elli. I was never close with her, but I remember seeing her when my mom would drag me to her sessions with Laura. Her practice was out of her home, and I’d see her often while sitting in the hallway when my mother would need a moment alone with Laura.
My mother told me to stay away from her because she was a bad influence. I’m not sure why she thought that, but we never hung out. She was four years younger than me.
I sit on the floor in my bedroom, just staring at the damn clock that continues to tick loudly. I’ve been in here since I stormed out on Saint yesterday in their office. I’m trying to clear my mind and figure out where I go from here, but I know the answer. Nowhere.
We took vows, I willingly became his wife, but I will rot here as his prisoner. He hasn’t even given me my ring back. I know he saw that I was wearing it at Glass when he showed up. And I took it off later that night before I got in the shower. He was lying to me here when we got into our fight after New York. He doesn’t care. He’s a Lord; he’s been trained what to say and when to say it to make you feel special or hated. And like he said, I’m easily manipulated.
Nothing has changed. And it never will. He’ll keep shit from me, and I’ll do the same to him. Sometimes, the truth just doesn’t matter.
The seconds on the clock move ever so slowly, the sound so loud it makes me cringe with each movement.
Tick, tick, tick, a constant reminder that there is no end in sight. Just an endless amount of torture. I’m in a loveless marriage, I get ignored, I get used…it’s a typical marriage in our world.
You’re nothing special. My mother had said to me. I hate that she was right more than anything.
At least when I first got here, he fucked me. As stupid as it sounds, it made me feel useful. Now he’s ignoring me. That’s my punishment.
Tick, tick, tick. The clock mocks me, and my watery eyes look up at it. Tick, tick, tick. Second by second, I sit here in a room and his is down the hall. I haven’t even been inside of it. I might as well be locked up in the basement. At least then, I’d know where I belong.
Tick, tick, tick. I get to my feet, pick up the chair that sits at the round table by the double doors to the balcony, and throw it at the fucking wall. It hits the clock, shattering it before it falls to the floor.
I’m breathing heavily, looking over the broken glass, and I realize I’m that clock. Broken. It’s just time that I quit trying to be a good girl. He’s made up his mind, and I have done the same. But him bringing me back had me second-guessing my decision four years ago. I need to get back to her. Fuck him and fuck this life. It doesn’t get any better.
I’ve always been a puppet. For him, for my mother, for the Lords. We’re just meant to be used. Sex makes you feel things. Another line my mother once told me. After I left Saint, I told myself that was a lie because the other guys I were with never made me feel what Saint had. She was right again.
Sighing, I walk away from the shattered clock and make my way to the bathroom. I need a bath, and then I’m going to find something to get high with. Or drunk. I need something, and I don’t care if Saint finds out or not.
* * *
I stand out on the balcony, overlooking the dark night. It’s amazing how far you can see when there’s light but nowhere to look in the dark. The fact that I ever thought I’d have a life with a man who loved me for me and wanted me to give him children is stupid really. From the moment I was hidden here, I knew my life would never be the same, and I was an idiot to think it’d ever be anything different. Better.
We don’t all get the same chances in life. I was raised that we have the better life, but it was bullshit.
I hear my door open, and I don’t even bother to turn around and see who it is. I don’t have to. It could only be one person, and he’s the last one I want to see right now.
He remains silent as he walks out onto the balcony and comes to stand beside me. Placing his forearms on the railing, he leans over, overlooking the woods.
“What do you want, Haidyn?” I ask tightly. He’s done nothing but avoid me since I returned. I know why, and I get it, but why pretend now?
“I want to take you to dinner.”
I snort.
“I’m serious, Ashtyn.”