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I stalk into the room that I’ve claimed as my own. Most nights, Malachi shares it. Wolf’s here more than half of the time, too. Not Rylan. Never Rylan. He alone doesn’t seem to have a use for me, which should irritate me, but right now it’s almost a relief.
Almost as if my thoughts summoned him, the curtains billow out from the window and then he’s there, a dark silhouette against the full moon in the shadows of the room. The shadows clothe him well enough, but I know he’s naked. He always is after shifting back to human.
I stop short, planting my feet against the nearly overwhelming need to go to him. To run my hands up his bare chest and rub as much of my skin against his as I can manage. To take him into my body and ride until we’re both sweaty and sated.
It’s the bond. I know it’s the bond.
The feeling in my chest isn’t a tug any longer. It’s a riptide, and I’m losing ground. I stagger forward a step. “What are you doing here?”
“I…couldn’t stay away.” He sounds like he’s speaking through gritted teeth. “I tried.”
My body takes me another step closer to him. It’s like something else resides within my skin. A force I can’t fight; I don’t even know how to try. I grab the footboard of the bed. “Leave. I don’t…” The surge in my chest gets stronger. “I can’t control this.”
“I can’t leave. It won’t let me.” He says the words with such finality. As if pronouncing a death sentence.
It’s only then that I notice how his body shakes. He’s fighting this as much as I am. My fingers release the footboard without my permission and I stumble another few steps closer. “I hate this.”
Rylan catches my elbows, and even that touch is enough to dim the pressing magic a little. I exhale shakily. “I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that.” He tightens his grip. “Stop fucking apologizing to me.”
I shouldn’t find his anger reassuring. It shouldn’t feel like a bridge forming between us, a shared experience that neither of us want. I can’t help it. I rest my forehead against his chest and close my eyes. “I guess there are limits to this, too. Can’t fly too far from me. Can’t go too long without…this.”
“Tell me to stop and I’ll find a way.”
I open my eyes and drag in a breath. “It will hurt both of us if you do.”
“Still,” he speaks through gritted teeth. “Wolf can cause injuries serious enough that regenerating will take up all my strength. It’ll buy time.”
I blink. “Would you rather we do that?” I’m not sure how I feel about the idea that he might prefer to be maimed than to have sex with me, but I’m not exactly frothing at the mouth to fuck him, either. Still…
Rylan’s muscles clench beneath my palms. I don’t even remember putting my hands on his chest. He curses. “No, I don’t want that. I resent the hell out of this bond—out of you—but that doesn’t change the fact that I want you. Fucking you is no hardship, Mina.”
“No hardship.” My laugh comes out jagged. “It is if we don’t choose this.”
“Tell me to stop and I’ll find a way,” he repeats.
That’s the thing. I don’t want him to stop. I can blame the bond, but the truth is that I’ve been drawn to Rylan since I first saw him. I’ve hated him, resented him, but neither of those feelings have been enough to combat the sheer desire that licks at me every time we get too close. “I won’t ask that of you,” I whisper. I’m not even sure which outcome I’m talking about.
Rylan doesn’t ask.
He yanks me against him, plastering us together. He takes my mouth. It can barely be called a kiss. It feels like an attack I’m only too happy to meet halfway. This is what I need. If we must do this, we’ll do it our way. Angry. Just shy of violent.
I shove him back, and he twists just enough that he hits the wall instead of the open window. The impact still shakes us both. Not enough. It’s not fucking enough. Every time I turn around, I’m being reminded of how little control I have, how very much I’m at the whims of powers far beyond me. These vampires. The bond. Even my father. All have power where I have none.
I just want to forget.
Rylan spins me around and I barely catch myself on the window ledge. He doesn’t give me time to recover, kicking my legs wide and then he’s there, shoving his giant cock into me. He’s almost too big to make it work, even after fucking Malachi and Wolf earlier. Not that he cares. Not that I care. I press back, taking him deeper. “More.”
His hands land on my hips. Sharp pain makes me jump. I twist to find that the tips of his fingers have…changed. Into claws. “Rylan?”
“Sorry,” he grits out. “Can’t control it.”
He hesitates, but I’m having none of it. “Don’t stop.”
Rylan takes me at my word. He pounds into me, each stroke relieving a layer of pressure on the bond. I didn’t realize how intensely his absence weighed on me until we’re as close as two people can be, his body invading mine. The relief has me nearly giddy, which only stokes my anger hotter. “Harder.”
The sharp pain of his claws dig in and then he’s doing just as I command. Fucking me just shy of violently. Taking his frustrations out on my willing body.
Because I am willing.
I didn’t choose the bond, but I choose this.
Pleasure instead of violent pain.
I look out over the grounds around this house. Trees crowd close to the house, giving the impression of us being cut off from the rest of the world. Overhead, the moon is the only witness for what we do in the dark. Pleasure builds in time with the pounding Rylan’s giving me. It feels so good that I want it to go on forever.
He has other ideas.
He loops an arm around my waist and hauls me away from the window. To the bed. I get a glimpse of his bloody claws, and for reasons I’m not inclined to examine, the sight makes me clench around his cock. Rylan growls and then he pulls out of me, flipping me around and shoving me down to the mattress.
The only other time we had sex, he was distant for the whole experience. He practically orchestrated it, overseeing things to ensure my power awoke and I broke the blood ward. Even when he was fucking my mouth, he was restrained and in control. There’s none of that control now.