Chapter 49 – The Alpha’s Defiant Mate Novel

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Jay-la POV

He was tapping the middle finger of his right hand on the table next to his dinner plate, staring at the wall across the room. She recalled he only did that when he was thinking over something he didn’t know if he wanted the answer to. She would wait if he didn’t want to know that was fine.

“Is he going to be a problem. Come looking for you?”

“I doubt it, but I don’t really know either.”

“Would you have married him?”

She frowned at him. “Why would you even ask that?”

His eyes turned to her “because he asked when you were going to marry him.”

“OH that, he’d been doing that for 6 months or so, it was a funny joke, and no, I had no intention of ever marrying him.”

“two years Jay-la, I want to know what he was to you.” his tone was a little harsh, for her liking, but she guessed being that he was her mate just talking about it was painful, considering he’d obviously had to see her with him or it was reported to him. Technically, she was still with him. There had been no breakup between them yet.

“A friend who was good stress relief,” she shrugged.

“That’s it? That is your explanation?”

“Yes, if you want all the details, I will tell you, but I don’t think you need to know them. I do not love him, I never loved him, he was just a way not to feel so lonely and unwanted.”

He ran a hand over his face and through his hair, messing it up, stared up at the ceiling for a long minute, then looked right at her, “I’m sorry I made you feel lonely and unwanted Jay-la. I know this is hard for you, considering our history, but I honestly was an idiot and acted irrationally and impulsively that day. I should never have said those words to you.”

She shrugged, he couldn’t take it back, no-one could. It would always be there somewhere inside her and him. It occurred to her a few minutes later that maybe he was expecting her to forgive him, and she hadn’t. She knew at some point she would be able to, but right now she couldn’t. Years of pain and stress don’t just vanish in a matter of minutes.

The next course arrived and she saw him stare at it. He wasn’t going to eat it, it was unlikely either of them would eat at this rate. “Why did you want me to come home?” she asked after way too much silence was happening.

“Havoc demanded it, we saw you on TV and he wouldn’t let up on it. Why wouldn’t you come home or even reply to the letter?”

“Scared..figured you’d finally taken over and you and your Mate were going to punish me for hitting her that one time. I had children to protect.”

“Did you think I was so petty Jay-la, you’d known me for 20 years, went out with me for over a year, was I ever the type to hold a grudge for something like that?”

She shrugged “I had known you for 20 years, we had a fun happy fling and then, in the matter of a day, I was nothing to you, and you did banish me over it. You were a different person, couldn’t even stand to look at me that day, if I recall correctly.”

Again he ran his hand through his hair, so much like his father, but considering he had grown up learning how to be an Alpha from Blaine, it was only natural that he would pick up on some of the former Alpha’s mannerisms.

He sighed. Perhaps he’d not thought this conversation through. ‘If you don’t want to talk about this, we don’t have to.”

His eyes were on her now, “We have to do it at some point, I would like to get it out of the way…it’s…just difficult, for both of us, I see…But you’re right. I was a different person, and to be honest with you, Sophia made me a different person. I have very little patience, I anger easily and sometimes even our pack fears me, or Havoc or both of us. Havoc can be a bit of a nightmare, though I believe you heard the fight he was having with his own unit to try and get to your place to kill Timothy for touching you. He’s pretty much been a raging beast ever since his first bond was broken so badly.”

“Oh, is that what that was about…I thought it was because there was another man hanging out with his pups.”

Nathan shook his head, “that wouldn’t set us off. You are our Mate Jay-la and a man going into your apartment with an overnight bag, Havoc did not handle it well.”

“That is completely on you. I did not know you were my mate. On that note, when did you know I was your mate?”she had wanted to know that for hours now. She knew now from all of the comments she recalled from his Alpha Unit that they all knew, that that was why they were in the city always on her. She just hadn’t known it then.

“The moment you walked into my office” he sighed, and looked right at her, “not a good day for either of us, you were absolutely terrified of me, and Havoc’s utter rage over your injured condition, his mate so badly wounded, I could barely contain him from bursting out of me and going on a killing spree. But I believe…that is not how you took it…your fear was just increasing with every minute you were in the office, in front of us.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Jay-la sighed. She couldn’t understand it. “Did you not want us?” she couldn’t help the bit of pain that was in her words.

“Because you didn’t react to us at all, you had no idea, did you? Could not scent us because there was no Kora. And yes I wanted you, Havoc screaming and clawing in my head, wanting to claim you instantly damn near ripped out of me to mark you on the spot. He’s uncontrollable and unpredictable at times. But with your fear levels, I didn’t let him. I could barely get a word out myself due to having to put so much effort into containing him…I apologise for that. How it went down. And I do understand why you were scared of me, after what you heard me say. I would never actually do that, I was just so pissed off that you kept defying me. Who in their right mind Jay-la…ignores or blatantly refuses their Alpha’s order?”

“I didn’t know why you wanted me to come home? You were the one who ordered me to leave and never come back, when I got your letter to come home…” she shrugged, “your order on me was technically still in effect.”

“I don’t believe that.” he shot right at her, a frown on his face. “the letter quite clearly requested you to come home and had my name on it, that would have over ridden the previous order, you just didn’t want to.”

“Okay, you’re right, I didn’t want to, there was no way I was going to come home and present myself with my children in front of you and your Luna, a woman who hated me, a woman who would never stand for some bastard children threatening her children’s right to be Alpha to the pack. That would have put them in direct danger and I will always protect them, even from you.”

“Jay-la.” he frowned at her “I would never hurt them.”

“I did not know that at the time. I had been gone 6 years and had no contact with your pack, knew nothing of what was going on.”

“You know it now, right?”

“Yes Nathan, I know you would never hurt them. I saw it for myself today.” she had, it had hurt a little to know that they had never gotten to have that, their whole lives, to only have it now. They were probably both to blame. She guessed on that.

Jay-la drained the last of her wine, and leaned back in her chair to just stare at him for a long minute “I have one more question.”

“Ask.”

“Why didn’t you let Jackson or Stephen just tell me that I was your Mate?”

“Would you have believed it? Honestly Jay-la.”

She thought about it for a full minute then shook her head. “No, I would have thought it was a ploy to get me to bring your children to you, because this whole time all I thought was that you wanted them. I knew and Kora knew we were not your Mate, so what other reason would it be?”

She stood up from the table, neither of them had eaten anything, dinner was a bust, and information overload. “I’m tired Nathan, my head hurts and I need to take all this in before I can decide on anything.”

He stood and, without warning, stepped over to her and leaned down and kissed her. His mouth was on hers, moving on hers hungrily, his hand moved up into her hair and pulled hard on her braid, her head was pulled back by the force and she gasp a little pain and pleasure at the same time. His tongue was suddenly moving against hers, his other hand was on her back and bringing her body hard up against his. Every fibre of her being was suddenly screaming at her to get closer, to taste him, she kissed him back with just as much need as he was displaying for her. She lost herself instantly, only knowing how right it felt to be in his arms to have his mouth on hers, to be kissed by him, her eyes fluttered closed and her hands curled into his shirt, she pressed herself against him, she missed him so much, goddess she wanted him, to be with him, for him to claim her. It was all she had ever wanted.

She had no idea how long he stood there, his mouth on hers, tasting every inch of her, stealing her breath away from her, his hands gripped in her hair and grinding his body against hers and she against his in response, only that it was abruptly gone. He’d stepped back from her and was now staring at her, his eyes so dark and filled with desire they were almost black. She had no idea why he’d stepped back, why he’d pulled away.

“I want you Jay-la, don’t ever doubt that…You should go now before I mark and mate you, before you are ready for it. I want you to want it, wholeheartedly want us, so I will wait…you need to leave this room before I loose all control.”

Jay-la stood staring at him, she heard what he said, Kora was yelling at her to stay put to let him mark and mate her and she wondered if Havoc was arguing with Nathan, in the same way, he could have marked her right here and now, she wouldn’t have stopped him. “Thank you. For knowing I am not really ready.” she nodded slowly and then turned and walked out of the room in a little bit of a daze.

He appeared to have more self-awareness than she did, way more self-control too. She was pretty certain that he knew he could have taken what he wanted right there on the dining room table, marked and mated her at will. His kiss had been her undoing, she was never going to reject him, how could she? He really did want her. She bit her lip and made her way up to the Alpha Suite. She let herself in to find all four of their parents sitting there. They all turned and looked at her, stared at her to be exact, saw her mother raise an eyebrow at her.

She said nothing, just headed for the hallway where the children were sleeping. Still somewhat out of it, she couldn’t seem to shake it off, and a little confused to be truthful, it had been less than a day and she could feel she felt differently about him already. Their Mate Bond was indeed very strong. In less than a day she knew she would be his, it was just a matter of when, now she guessed.

Jay-la checked on each of the children. They were all settled in their beds and found an empty room at the end to go into. She stepped into the bathroom and glanced at herself in the mirror. It was no wonder they were all staring at her, her hair was a complete mess from where his hand had been in it, somewhere along the line he had pulled the entire braid out, and her hair was hanging loosely around her face, more than a little messy, her lipstick was gone and her lips slightly swollen from all the kissing and she was very flushed in the face. It was not hard to tell they had gotten hot and heavy during dinner.

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