Chapter 54 – Falling for the Alpha as a Surrogate Novel

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Ella

It takes me a minute to understand what must be happening. The only woman I’ve been near tonight, is the stranger in the restroom. So if I smell like Lydia… that must have been her. It’s no wonder she seemed so mysterious and sad. I feel for her immensely. I know what it’s like to try for years on end to get pregnant with a partner, only for them to succeed with someone else.

Of course, Sinclair didn’t do to her what Mike did to me, they’d been in their struggle together– but it must still hurt. In fact, my pregnancy probably proves the problems they had conceiving were with her, which is devastating for any hopeful mother.

“There was a woman in the restroom.” I tell Sinclair hesitantly. “She helped me, held back my hair.”

“What did she look like?” He demands urgently.

“Dark hair, blue eyes, tall and willowy.” In fact she was my opposite in just about every way, right down to her perfectly manicured nails and custom designer shoes.

Before I can say any more, Sinclair turns and disappears into the crowd, scanning the feast for signs of his ex. My heart falls, faster and harder than I could have believed possible. I can’t believe how painful it is to see him running after her this way, obviously desperate to find her. One mention of Lydia and I might as well not exist. I feel like crumpling in on myself, though I don’t have any right to feel jilted. I’ve known the score from the beginning – Sinclair never pretended otherwise. So why does it hurt so much?

“You should get off your feet.” Henry says kindly, urging me to take my seat. “You still look very pale.” I follow his gesture obediently, not sure how much longer my legs will support me. Sinclair is out of sight now, no doubt chasing down his true mate to convince her to come back to him. I can’t seem to conjure up any words or coherent thoughts, I’m slowly being crushed beneath the weight of my disappointment.

I’m cursing myself for being so silly, for getting my hopes up when I knew better. It’s obvious now I’ve been lying to myself about my feelings for Sinclair, or this wouldn’t be so agonizing. At the same time, It’s irrefutable proof that I was right not to get involved with him. I was right to try and protect myself – even though I failed. I can’t imagine how much worse this would be if I’d actually started a relationship with him.

Stop this, the little voice in my head scolds. You’re overreacting, he just went after her, you have no idea what he’s thinking.

You’re assuming the worst because you expect to be let down.

I expect it with good reason. I reply bitterly. I learned the hard way, remember?

Sinclair is different. She insists. He’s special and he cares about you.

He cares about the pup. I correct her. He’s protective of me for its sake and he might be grateful to me for carrying it, but I’ll never be a she-wolf. I’ll never be in his league and we both know it.

That’s your insecurity talking, not your brain. Think of the way he compliments you! You’re more than just a surrogate to him. She presses.

And the moment I deliver this baby, I guarantee I’ll cease to warrant his attention. I predict grimly. Just you wait and see.

Before my conscience can reply there’s movement in my periphery, and a new voice joins the conversation.

“I tried to warn you.” Roger appears as if from nowhere, but he obviously saw what happened. “I told you she would always come first to Dominic.”

“Roger, that isn’t fair.” Henry rumbles beside me, giving his eldest son a disapproving glare.

“Oh hello, Father.” Roger quips, turning his attention to the former Alpha. “It’s been too long – I’m surprised you still remember my name.”

“That’s your own doing.” Henry answers fiercely. “I still call you every week though you never pick up the phone. I’d be thrilled to see you any time you like.”

I feel a rush of sympathy for Sinclair’s father. I might not be a parent yet, but I know that I already love my baby more than I thought possible. I hate to think of how badly being rejected by him would sting – no matter how old he gets. Most parents would probably give up after a while, to save themselves the pain if nothing else. It speaks volumes that Henry has never stopped trying to be in his son’s life, and I’m glad that Sinclair learned how to be a father from him. I might not ever have my feelings for Sinclair returned, but I know my baby will always have his father’s love and protection. That’s certainly more than I could have said for Mike, and more than many women get from their partners.

However Roger clearly doesn’t feel any sense of gratitude for his father’s dedication. Instead he turns his nose up in disgust,

“You clearly let that injury steal your dignity as well as your mobility. No true Alpha would shamelessly chase after someone who clearly didn’t want to be around them.”

“No true father would let a bitter child push him away without a fight either.” Henry growls back, showing a glimmer of his former strength. “Like it or not, I will always be there for you – even and especially when you don’t want me to be.”

“That’s called smothering.” Roger complains, curling his lip.

“It’s called parenting.” Henry counters coolly. “And if I didn’t teach you that well enough then I’m relieved you don’t have pups of your own.”

“Please don’t fight.” I cut in. I hate disagreements, especially between men. That’s another lesson I learned the hard way – men are dangerous when they lose their tempers. In fact, it’s amazing that I’m not more frightened of Sinclair’s temper– given how intimidating he is. Maybe it’s because he’s always so in control, but somehow I know in my heart that he wouldn’t ever raise a hand against me. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I can’t recall ever trusting anyone the way I trust Sinclair. That must be the pup’s influence too, he’s bonded with Sinclair and knows he isn’t a threat, so I don’t fear him either.

“I’m sorry, Ella.” Henry proclaims swiftly. “You’re right, it’s the holidays, we shouldn’t be arguing like this, especially not in front of you.”

“I’m sorry too.” Roger concedes, though he doesn’t sound it. “I simply thought you might need a friendly ear, what with Dom taking off on you.”

“He didn’t take off, he simply went to investigate.” Henry sighs, sounding as though he’d like to scold his son some more and is holding back for my sake.

“Investigate what?” Roger scoffs. “He knows it was Lydia in the restroom with Ella, and he knows she wouldn’t be here if she wasn’t still interested in him. If he went after her, it’s because he wants to see her. He chose her over Ella, just like he always will.”

Henry, who doesn’t have the first clue that Dominic and I aren’t really mates, looks outraged in my honor. “Why in the Goddess’s name would you say such a thing?”

“Because it’s true.” Roger states simply. “I’m not going to lie to Ella like the rest of you. Dominic and Lydia are fated, their bond is more powerful than anything they’ll ever share with another.”

Henry shakes his head. “Then why did she leave? Why did Dominic let her go?”

“Because she thought he couldn’t give her children and he believed it too, he wanted better for her so he didn’t go after her. But now it’s clear he can father pups, they can try again.” Roger surmises, gesturing to my middle.

“They weren’t right for each other.” Henry argues. “And though you don’t want to hear it, she wasn’t right for you either.”

“We were in love – every bit as in love as Ella and Dominic, but as soon as their bond kicked in, none of that mattered.” Roger reminds the other man. “The Goddess doesn’t make mistakes.”

I want to protest, to correct him and attest that Sinclair and I aren’t in love, or tell Henry that he doesn’t have to defend me this way. I want to scream that it’s all just a sham for the campaign – just to make them stop talking about it. It’s no longer the disagreement I mind, I just can’t stand to be reminded of how little I mean to Sinclair over and over like this.

I can see that Roger is biased, but I also feel for him. He lost his mother, he grew up in his younger brother’s shadow and lost his birthright and his chosen mate to him. He was clearly scarred by those experiences, and part of me agrees that Dominic shouldn’t have gotten involved with his brother’s ex – fated or not. Maybe Roger is trying to manipulate me, or maybe he really is trying to help – either way, he isn’t lying. Lydia and Sinclair are bonded in a way I will never be with any man – least of all the father of my child.

Before anyone can say another word, I turn on my heel and walk out.

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